Struggling with the Past

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Elizabeth sighed, tossing yet another datapad aside listing another pointless and useless bit of information she already knew. The former N7 rubbed her eyes, leaning back in her chair as she let out a slow breath. “Regretting your decision?” Elizabeth glanced to her side, seeing her younger, more naive self leaning against the wall, armored in her old Ajax engineer armor from during the Reaper War.

“What makes you say that?” “Come on now Rachel. We’ve been over this; I know you love Flynt and that, but look at where you’ve put yourself because of your feelings for him.” The major glanced at the reports, she hate to admit it but her younger self had a point.

The younger version took a seat on the desk next to Rachel, putting her hand on her older counterparts. Despite being simply a mirage, a figment of her mind, she could feel the warmth from her fingers, even through the cold metal gauntlets she wore. “This isn’t who you are, Rachel.” “What can I do? I love Flynt, but at the same time I find it harder and harder to stand with him. I mean after seeing what he was willing to do to Arglack; What his puppet of Uriel did to Wilhelm...The suffering that my crew has gone through because of my actions…” The tired, old soldier laid her head in her hands, feeling the tears well up in her eyes as she felt her younger self’s hand on her shoulder.

“We can’t help who we are. Even if we’re on opposite sides of the table, we still care about those we formed attachments with.”

Elizabeth fought back the tears, looking back up at her younger self as she stood up, walking over to a nearby window as she glanced out, seeing the gathered Venir ships all slowly exit the system, implementing the strategy she had just organized not even hours ago. “I just...I want to believe he’s doing the right thing. I do. But...at the same time I’m not even sure that this is the same Flynt that I came to love years ago; the one I gave my life too, not once but twice over. And yet...and yet…” She choked on her words, feeling a tear fall down the side of her cheek as she turned away from the window, her younger counterpart standing opposite of her, hands clasped in front of her. “For once in this whole universe, I just...I don’t know what to do. What to believe anymore...All I want is--” “Your daughters.” Rachel looked up at her counterpart, who was looking over a picture on the desk, the four of them, taken during happier days.

“You just want to hold your two daughters in your arms once more. Tell them how much you love them. How proud you are of them. But...because of what’s happened, what he’s become you won’t get that chance, not with both of them anyways.” Rachel turned her head, taking the picture and grasping it tightly against her chest. “He keeps promising that he will, but...he still hasn’t brought Anne back. I think he’s afraid too; worried that she won’t side with him in all this. That she’ll be horrified of what her father had become.”

The older marine walked down a small set of stairs to her bed, sitting on the edge as her younger self sat down next to her, gently wrapping her arm around her shoulder. “He’s been so occupied with the war and the Venir...he seems just as distant as he was when we were on opposite sides of the war. When I hunted him through the stars…” She looked at her younger counterpart “Did...Did I make the right choice?”

The younger marine took her older self’s hands into her own, smiling as she grasped them gently, lifting them up to in between them, just below their necks. “We both know only you can answer that. This war has driven all of us to the breaking points, some of us more than others. If you think you made the right choice - Stick with it, stay strong with the course you’ve taken. If you think you made the wrong choice - start working towards fixing it, and laying the groundwork for the redemption you think you need.”

Elizabeth gave a small smile “You were always the better part of us, you know that?” The younger version gave a soft blush and smile, nodding “It was a...simpler time for us back then. Even through all the horror we faced, it was...simpler; for both of us.” Elizabeth embraced her younger self in a gentle hug, feeling the tears run down her cheek “I wish sometimes we could rewind the clock...just so I could have a few more minutes with Anne and Emma, to make up for all that lost time.” The younger marine pushed her older self away gently, placing her hand on her shoulder “In their hearts, you were the best mother you could be. They understood why you were away so much; that you wanted to give them the best gift that a mother could possibly find - A father who loved them. And even if they didn’t understand that, they still loved you nonetheless.”

Elizabeth smiled, gently grasping her younger self’s arm, wiping away some of the stray tears with her mechanical hand. “Thank you. For everything.” The younger marine smiled in response “No; Thank you, Rachel. For picking up the pieces. And finding happiness for us both.”

The edges of the older marine’s view began to fade to white as she closed her eyes, understanding it was nothing but a dream; and she awoke, a gentle, yet firm hand on her shoulder as she slowly raised her head up from the desk, looking to her side and seeing Flynt standing there, a concerned look on his face as she gave a reassuring smile “Just...tired, I’m alright Flynt.”

The Venir leader looked his wife over for a moment, giving a soft smile in return “Just checking. I know you’ve been worked half to death with the whole Entente thing, if you want some time off just say so, I’m sure we could manage without you for a few days.” Elizabeth took Flynt’s hand in her own, smiling “No, it’s alright. I can manage.”

Flynt nodded, giving a soft pat to Elizabeth’s shoulder before slowly walking out of the room, heading to another briefing being held by one of his scientists as Elizabeth sighed, leaning into her chair as she glanced at the photo of Emma, Anne, Flynt and herself, gently running a metal finger along it as she wondered to herself, faintly hearing the echoing words of those she left behind, those who passed away, her friends, her enemies, all the echoing voices of those no longer with her.

‘Did I make the right choice?’